Listen to a reading of Ben's story 
What happened?
Ben decided he wanted to come out to everyone on National Coming Out Day. He finally felt comfortable in his pansexual identity and he wanted to celebrate that. Telling a few of his friends and his parents as a test went smoothly for the most part. It seemed to confuse his parents who had to ask him what it meant, while his friends just teased him about having all of the dating options and still being single. So he made a brief post on his Instagram story, and one on Facebook too, where more of his relatives followed him.
Things were fine at school, but when he got home, he found that not everyone had reacted as calmly. His older relatives, especially on his mom’s side of the family, had left unsupportive comments and DMs. His stomach started to hurt reading their words. His aunt, commenting how disappointed she was that he would choose this lifestyle, his grandfather, asking what happened to boys these days, his uncle, proclaiming don’t bring any boyfriends around us!!! He responded to his aunt. It’s not a choice, but I’m happy the way I am. Why can’t you be happy for me?
She replied right away; Aunt Lydia used Facebook a lot. How can I be happy when you’re going against God? And nature?
Ben hesitated and then typed quickly. God made me like girls and boys, and there are plenty of gay animals in nature.
Ding. She had already said something else, and it was more of the same. He wanted to keep arguing with her, but he was tired already and he didn’t know what to say. He sighed. This was so frustrating, and it really hurt coming from his own family.
What did he do?
He looked at the screen again and saw that amongst the negativity, his cousin had commented proud of you!!! with a few heart emojis and the rainbow flag.
Bella had been at college for a few years now, so he hadn’t seen much of her recently, except at family gatherings around Christmas and Thanksgiving. But they called to catch up every few weeks, and she had talked through complicated situations with him before. He knew she would understand what he was dealing with regarding their family, and clearly she was supportive. He sent her a message. Why is our family so awful sometimes?? I don’t know what to do about this.
I’m sorry, Ben, you deserve only love and support. I’m here for you if you need to talk or need more resources, ok?
Okay. He had at least one person on his side, and that mattered. What should I say to them? I’m really struggling over how they don’t accept me.
It’s probably not going to be helpful to you to keep talking to them. They need to at least respect you or it’s not worth it. Maybe try to focus on something that makes you happy right now? I know how much you like video games!! If you really feel up to it, you can try talking to them in-person at Thanksgiving, when I’ll be there to help you. It could also be helpful to speak with a therapist, I know mine was necessary when my parents and I were fighting.
He thanked her and closed his laptop to think about it. She had a good point. Someone else, a professional, might help him find more of the right words to explain himself to his parents, and better defenses against people like his aunt. It might be weird at first, but having another person by his side couldn’t hurt. He pulled up the website for therapists in his area, and started looking.
Written by Sam Kirschman
Narrated by Joshua Teovisio
Want to try the skills Ben used?
Human Rights Campaign on coming out
Trevor Project: Navigating relationships with friends and family
imi: Managing Stress from anti-LGBTQ hate
Want help now? There are free and confidential hotlines available 24/7. Call/text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or contact the Trevor Project, a crisis hotline specifically for LGBTQ youth, by calling 1-866-488-7386 or texting START to 678-678.