Listen to a reading of Darren's story 
What happened?
Darren didn’t know what to do. His feelings just kept building up and he felt like he had no place to put them down. He hadn’t come out, but it seemed like all the worst people at school already knew. Or maybe they just knew that joking about him being gay seemed to hit a sore spot, and that’s all they really cared about. He had tried to stifle his more feminine mannerisms, but it was tiring to always be watching himself, always scrutinizing the way he walked, the way he talked, how he dressed. The fact that most of his friends were girls didn’t really help, but he just couldn’t fit in or feel comfortable around most of the guys at school.
At dinner, his dad made an offhand comment about how men weren’t really men anymore.
He looked directly at Darren and said, “You need to toughen up. Show ‘em how it’s done.”
“Dad, I just…I just don’t really know how to.”
“It’s not that hard.” He shook his head. “Just stop it with all that soft stuff and be the man you’re meant to be.”
His mom and sister were quiet, avoiding eye contact by focusing on their food.
Darren bit back his words and shrugged out an “Okay.”
He finished eating quickly. It wasn’t hard; his dad’s words had killed his appetite. He went up to his room and went on his phone. He had posted a picture of himself on his story. It was a mirror picture because he had liked his outfit that day. A few of his friends had liked it or told him how good he looked. A couple of people had left mocking comments about his pose or the color of his shirt and how it all meant he was gay.
What did he do?
It hurt that they were right, and it hurt that he couldn’t talk to his family, and it hurt that he wasn’t even supposed to feel hurt about it all. He knew he was never going to live up to his dad’s expectations and he was tired of trying.
He started crying. It simply felt impossibly unfair. He didn’t want to have to deal with this for the rest of his life. His thoughts weighed dark and heavy on him. He called a crisis hotline, one specifically for LGBT+ people. If anyone would get it, maybe they would.
The calm-voiced woman on the other end of the line answered his first rapid-fire questions about if they would tell his parents or anyone about this, if they were going to call the police, if they were going to somehow get him in trouble. “I promise this call is completely confidential. We’re just here to help you and you’re definitely not in trouble. Although we will have to contact the authorities if we believe you’re an immediate danger to yourself or others, this is a safe place for you to express how you’re feeling.”
She asked him how he was feeling and what made him call. She listened and respected what he had to say, and she didn’t make fun of him for feeling upset about it. She simply let him look at those feelings and acknowledge what had happened. He felt a little lighter, a little more capable of being true to himself despite those around him. The way he felt was worth taking seriously, and the woman on the line reassured him that calling was worth it too, that it was okay to reach out for help. It was nice to know that help was there, that even when he might feel alone, there would still be someone willing to listen.
Written by Sam Kirschman
Narration by Richard Smart
Want to try the skills Darren used?
What to Expect when You Call a Hotline
Want help now? There are free and confidential hotlines available 24/7. Call/text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or contact the Trevor Project, a crisis hotline specifically for LGBTQ youth, by calling 1-866-488-7386 or texting START to 678-678.